


Ship to Wreck

by DiazTuna



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Anti-Hook, Dark Swan Arc, F/F, TW for IPV, TW for descriptions of a dead body and blood, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiazTuna/pseuds/DiazTuna
Summary: No. No. Her magic swirls around her. She shuts her eyes and takes herself away. Where they won’t find her. Where they won’t have to pretend. To look at her and still see Emma Swan.Alternate Season 5A finale where Emma kills Hook and deals with the aftermath.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 244





	Ship to Wreck

**Author's Note:**

> TW for descriptions of blood, a dead body and intimate partner violence. 
> 
> I watched Rise of Skywalker and thought the more interesting story would have been letting Rey confront the fact that she'd killed Kylo. Then, of course, this story popped into my head.
> 
> I took some liberties with canon, changed a few things to make it fit. No clue how curses work, so please excuse any inaccuracies.
> 
> Title is from Florence + the Machine

It’s sticky on her hands. In between her fingers. _Breathe. Breathe._ that wasn’t a conscious thought before. Before blood got under her nails. So much of it. _Not yours. Should have been yours._ The voices inside her head hiss. Argue. _Aren’t you glad it wasn’t you? He would have done it._ Emma drops the dagger. The long one she had made with both their names. The sound it makes as it hits the wooden floor echoes. Inside. All over. She looks at him because she has to. His colorless skin. Greying lips stained with red.

His eyes are open. Dead. Dead. Dead like he is. 

“ _Fuck.”_ She says slipping as she moves away from him. 

His body. 

It doesn’t doesn’t get swallowed by the floorboards. No portal to the underworld. No pitfall that obscures it. No fucking fairy tale ending where his body becomes dust. Just him. It. Muddied boots and a hand that had held magic like a weapon. Emma’s neck still burns from it. The tip of his hook, sharpened and lying upwards. A cut is still fresh on her cheek. 

She should do something other than wipe his blood on the black of her clothes. Something more than stand in a corner. Feel the Dark One’s curse quieting down around him. Her hands shake, cold settles in between her joints. Her whole body. _Happy now? Don’t lie. But you had to. You had to. Remember what he did. The things he said. There was no other way. There is always another way. If you were anything like the Savior they think you are you would know that._

“Emma!” Her mother calls out. 

Still outside. She’ll walk in and see this. See her and then what? _You know what._

“Emma!” It’s Regina.

Henry. Her son must be in tow. Holding on to his mother’s hand. They can’t. They can’t know what she is. What she’s done. _You knew this was coming. They’ll cast you out. Out, out. Like the orphan girl you always were._

No. No. Her magic swirls around her. She shuts her eyes and takes herself away. Where they won’t find her. Where they won’t have to pretend. To look at her and still see Emma Swan. 

* * *

They bury him. Two days later. The Sun is out. Still they wear black. Emma watches from a distance, cloaked by her magic. There are no tears that she can see. Just a tight silence as they lower him into the ground. No words. No speeches. Sweat runs down her neck when she thinks what his happy ending would have brought. Emma standing by his graveside with a speech that sounded like love. Years, so many years into the future. Her pulse quickens. _Aren’t you relieved, Swan? But deep down you know. You threw away their happiness._

Magic or no magic she stumbles backwards. Away from the disturbed earth. Everyone is quick to leave whatever this was. Everyone except Regina. She watches Snow and David walk away and then glances her way. 

“I really am sorry,” She says sticking her hand into her coat. “Not for him. For you.” 

There is nothing Emma can say. 

“Tell me something.” Regina’s swallows something back. “Anything.” 

Maybe she could undo her magic. Let Regina see her. See that white has left her complexion. Her hair. See that it wasn’t darkness that pushed her to do it. That there is nothing to blame for this. 

She can’t. _You fucking coward._

“Emma, please.” She walks towards her, ready to feel for her hand. 

And that’s when she leaves. Dematerializes into the air. Into the nothing she should have been. 

* * *

Henry’s light is on. It’s late, she thinks. Time has blurred together for her. Maybe it’s been days. Weeks. Emma leans against a column on Regina’s front porch. She could go up there. Ask to be let in. But would he open his window for her? Let her climb in and stain the carpet.

_Ma, it’s OK. It wasn’t you. I get it._ He wouldn’t say that. He could only say that if she lied. But she can’t. Emma promised. 

His door opens, even brighter light flows in. From her spot Emma can see him rub the back of his neck. Can see Regina come in and run her fingers through his hair. Hold his head against her chest. Like she used to do when their son was nervous. Emma remembers that. _This is your fault, Swan. It was always meant to be like this. Just them and you looking in._

The front door opens forcing her into the bushes out of instinct. It’s Robin. His face contorted into suspicion. He stands eyeing where he sees nothing. Robin’s hands go to his waist. 

He clears his throat. 

Emma isn’t sure she still remembers how to speak. 

He looks up at Henry’s window. _This isn’t for you. Not for you. Out. Out. But it isn’t for you either, is it Swan?_

His face is grim. Robin kicks his boots against brick and sets off. It’s supposed to mean something.

He doesn’t look back. 

* * *

Must be the middle of the morning. Kids running around the playground. Squealing and tossing around a ball. Emma spots Neal there. Building a sand castle in the corner. It’s difficult to understand why she thought of seeing him. He’s a child and doesn’t know about her. And something in between her parents and her son. Emma is careful to avoid bumping into the kids circling her at knee-level.. Neal is digging a moat when she drops her magic and settles next to him.

“Emma!” He throws his tiny arms around her neck. 

“Hey, buddy.” She hesitates to lay her hand on his back. “How’s it going?”

He pushes himself off her shoulders and looks at her. Looks at her like David does. Same eyes. Same as hers. Finds the cut on her cheek.

“Where you’ve been? You’re hurt?” 

“You don’t need to worry about that,” Emma pushes the hair from his forehead. Tries to ease the crease in his brow. “OK?”

“Mommy says you’re sad and that’s why you don’t come home,” He says, feet sinking into the sand. “That true?” 

“Something like that. Yeah.” Her insides go cold. _Cold like I was. Remember? Never as cold. You’re still alive._

“Come back and we’ll make you better.” His fist curls on the collar of her shirt. “Me, mommy, daddy. Henny and Regina.” 

“I can’t, little man” Emma says, her words getting heavier. “I did a bad thing.” 

“Don’t care.” Neal shakes his head. “ Maybe no cookies for a week if it was really bad.” 

“Three weeks.” She pulls him back into her arms and kisses his hair. 

Emma takes a deep breath. Looks at the day again. It’s still going. It hasn’t been undone. Clock is still ticking. It doesn’t make her feel better. Doesn’t feel like a burden has been eased off her shoulders. 

“Daddy didn’t care when put Mr. Pickles in the toilet,” Neal cups her chin like Snow would. “And...and... Regina says you gotta say sorry when you’ve done something bad.” 

“She’s right.” Emma says trying her best to smile. 

“Then say sorry and come back.” 

_There is no coming back from this. You know that. Bothering a child with your problems. Grow up, Swan. Grow up._

“I’ll try, Neal.” There is no one to say sorry to. No one that can give her what she needs.

“Soon. Try soon.” Neal orders her bordering more on a Mills than a Charming. 

Emma nods because the curse had made her guard her word more fiercely. No promises she couldn’t keep. It left her with this compulsion. 

“Kiss mom and dad for me. Can you do that, buddy?” She ruffles his hair and doesn’t bother to dust the sand off her pants. 

“OK.” He agrees without question. 

Emma doesn’t cloak herself until she has waved good-bye and he has returned to his castle. 

* * *

It smells. Like rotting wood and salt. Seaweed and barnacles. It never sat right with Emma. Especially on nights when it mixed with the rum he kept in the captain’s cabin. She never had the guts to tell him. To say that she hated this damn ship. Hated it since they sailed away to Neverland. Wanted it to burn it down when he traded it for her. But it’s the one place that is good enough for her now. Quiet and forgotten. Moves with the changing tides in the dock. Unchanged. 

Emma’s legs dangle from the crow’s nest. She wraps her arms around herself, determined to stay up here. Watch the moonlight spread across the water. See the stars cut through the black of night. 

It’s then when the distinct scent of Regina’s magic comes with the breeze. It’s so much stronger now that Emma knows to feel for it. Fire and orchids. Her distinctive cloud of violet brings onto the deck. Her collar is turned up, scarf neatly tucked inside it. A basket in her grip. 

“I can feel you’re here so you can stop being an idiot.” Regina says as loudly as she can. “I’m not leaving until you come out.” 

Her own magic snaps her down to meet Regina. 

“Finally.” If she’s taken aback Regina doesn’t show it. 

“What’s in the basket?” Emma tries. Wants to be the Emma Swan she expects. 

“Dinner and a change of clothes,” Regina eyes her and wrinkles her nose. “Which I’m sorry to say you desperately need.” 

The night air fills her lungs. Her back. Relief. That Regina doesn’t shy away from her. _Got her fooled, don’t you Swan?_

“Thanks.” Maybe she says like before. Before she had to think through the noise in her head. 

“There’s also a bottle of tequila in here.” 

“You’re staying?” It’s just crossing the line into desperation. 

“Of course.” Regina walks towards the quarterdeck like this something they do.

It’s how Emma knows things have changed. When Regina has to pretend.

It’s chicken and rice. It’s too simple to call it that. But Emma is just discovering the flavors in it, couldn’t name them before. Fennel, coriander and lemon. Cinnamon and cumin. Rose water. Her favorite. _Tell her that. What for? What good would do you?_ Her body heats up in gratitude. Emma hadn’t known how starved she was. How thin she felt under her clothes. A bread roll sucks up the juices and she isn’t shy about reaching for another. 

“I…” Regina pours tequila into a clear glass. “I’ve missed this appetite of yours. Henry is up for the challenge but he is vastly outclassed.” 

Emma puts her plate down and slides her hands under her thighs. 

“How is he?”

“AP classes are keeping him busy,” She takes a swig from her glass. “So, fortunately no monster quests for now.” 

“Good. That’s good.”

“He misses you,” Regina’s eyes are fixed on her, Emma doesn’t need magic to feel it. “He, ah, wanted to come tonight…”

“But you wanted to talk to me first,” Emma says with a sigh. “Make sure I don’t say anything stupid.” 

“Partly.” 

_Leave. She wants to leave. Because you wouldn’t. Because you wouldn’t let her be. Why don’t you just go? That’s what you’re good at._

“I didn’t want him buried. I didn’t think he deserved it,” Regina is quiet about it. “I offered to have him cremated. Burned.” 

“Regina…” Something heavy settles in the back of her throat. “You’re speaking like...like..I didn’t _kill_ him.” 

The black of her hair looks blue under the white of the moon. Blue silk. Moves when Regina lifts her chin and exhales.

“Do you know how I killed the King?” Once. Twice. Her fingers tap on the wood. “Not the version in the story book.”

“I don’t even know _that_ one.” Emma wants to say more. Ask more. Instead she pours three thumbs tequila and downs it. 

“There is some slander about me seducing a genie. Tricking him into sneaking two Agrabah vipers into the King’s chambers.” Regina rolls her eyes. “ _I_ was the viper. I slid into his chambers, bit his ankle raw. I stayed until his skin turned black with venom. And I wasn’t the Evil Queen yet.” 

Emma pinches her eyes shut. Tries to forget that the King had been her grandfather. That he’d been an old man who bought a teenager as a wife. 

“It’s not the same.”

“You’re right,” Her voice is steady. Even in a way Emma thinks no one else can manage. “Mine was premeditated murder. Yours was self-defense.” 

“You weren’t there, you...don’t know. Can’t know.” She presses her forehead against her knee.

“That’s why I’m here. So that you can tell me.”

“You won’t…” Emma lifts her head and looks at Regina. Meaning clinging to the roof of her mouth.

“Won’t understand?” Regina moves closer. Runs her thumb on the gash on her cheek she hasn’t healed. Her magic only smells of orchids as it mends her skin. “Won’t look at you the same?” 

Her body is warm all over. Her magic reacting to Regina’s, latching onto it. Braiding itself with it. Never wanting to let go. Emma nods and takes a sharp breath.

“OK.”

“OK.” Regina echoes, letting her magic stay with her. 

Emma holds it close. Clings to the orchids and the scent of rain of her own magic. Goes back to the beginning. To fire and Neverland. He was there, always there. Pushing, following in a way no one had. And Emma had seen it, the expectation in her parents’ expression. She’d known by then that she had just been a missed opportunity for them. Why they wanted her brother. Everyone had been moving away from her. Except him. Emma doesn’t talk about soulmates. About New York. And thinking. For a moment that they could have been. 

“I wanted to love him,” She says aloud for the first time. “I tried so hard and he knew that. I don’t think it mattered to him.” 

“It never does to people who only want to own you.” It’s so clear, the way she says it. So clear that Emma is ashamed she ever stayed. 

“I...I thought that’s what I was supposed to do,” The cold burns her lips. “It was the only way to keep everyone happy.” 

“ _Emma_ …” The affection. The care is almost too much to bare. 

_You don’t deserve this._

“Then we were in Camelot and I couldn’t let him die. I..Fuck.” Emma rubs at her face because it’s gone numb. “He asked me to let him go. But I needed him to keep..to keep all of this. All of you.” 

“The Dark One’s curse…”

“Regina, you know as well as I do that darkness doesn’t make you do anything,” Maybe her eyes are wet. It’s hard to tell. “It only takes what is already there and sharpens it.” 

“Into a double-edge sword, yes.” Regina’s fingers are careful on her knuckles. 

“The curse did link us though. There were things up in here that he used.” Emma taps her forehead and tries to keep herself together. “He disguised himself as Henry and said the things I so wanted to hear...”

“That miserable _piece of shit_.” Violet clouds her eyes and her magic smells like fire again. “Only the most despicable…”

Emma lets the rain in her magic reach to the fire of hers, help bring the flames down. Because a confession is coming. Bubbling and becoming words. 

“The connection was a two way street but he was so much better at being a Dark One,” She can still see it. The memory he made her see. Emma’s chest is so tight and she can’t breathe. “He showed me what he did to you. Made me feel it. The electricity. Regina…I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” 

_I know your little secret, Swan. Not good at hiding it, are you?_

The air around them turns warm when Regina’s presses her forehead to hers. 

“It’s OK. It’s OK,” Her magic flows into Emma. “See? It’s OK. We’re OK.” 

Emma closes her eyes for a moment, lets her body take it. Loosen her chest. Let the rest of it out. 

“He promised he’d destroy everything I loved. Showed me how he’d do it,” She pulls away and breathes. Breathes. “I was going to be the last thing he killed. He absorbed the curse from me…”

“So that he could overpower you.” It’s subdued but no less furious. 

“That’s when I did it. Stabbed him with the dagger,” Emma averts her gaze from Regina. “I think the worst part, what keeps me here is that I don’t feel remorse. That I would do it again...” 

Regina laughs softly. As if the problem had been small.

“I’ve had many things come back to haunt my days. Pull me out of my sleep,” Her hand is on her neck, rubbing a small circle. “But I have never regretted killing the King. You don’t need to be forgiven for surviving, Emma.” 

Emma listens to the tide, feels the sway of the wood. Feels the water and fire of their magic move with it. 

“How are you so good at this?” She breathes out a throaty laugh. 

“I’ve had practice.” Regina replies with a faint smile. “There is a room waiting for you when you’re ready.” 

“I’ll eat you out of a house.” Emma wipes her eyes.

“I have more than enough.” There is nowhere to go, to hide under Regina’s gaze.

“Thank you.” 

* * *

Her body is clean. Down to skin under her nails. Emma had made sure of that, brushed until she was satisfied. She had taken her time getting dressed. Slipping a turtleneck over her heard. Lacing up her boots. Slipping into the leather of her jacket. Fresh change of clothes. She steps out onto the deck. There isn’t anything she is leaving behind. She has everything she needs. A breeze wraps itself around her as she walks towards the dock. 

It’s dusk. One last look, the skull and bones in the flag are flapping in the wind. There is nothing she will miss about them.Nothing ceremonious about what she will do. She considers saying some last words but none fit. Emma extends her hand and raises the ship’s anchor. Wills her magic to push it farther and farther into the rising tide. It looks like it’s floating in a sea of orange, living up to its legend. 

When it’s in that line, just nearing the horizon she curls her hand into a fist. Emma watches the mast go first, collapse into the water. Stays until it sinks into the sand below. 

The air smells like rain and her thoughts are quiet.

Emma is ready to go.   
  



End file.
